If we are taught of eras in our collective history, with names like modern and classical; we are in the era of corrosive exploitation. By definition, corrosion is the gnawing away at something and exploitation is the action of making use of or benefitting from resources. We think of corrosives as being substances that when contact is made with something it eats away at. Taking acid to any material supplies us with instant gratification of its power to eat away a surface quickly. Then there is something like rust that takes something over slowly but still with dire consequences. I have come to realize that people can have these qualities as well and that makes that type of person very dangerous as a whole. Unlike corrosive substances that are labeled and can be easily learned and identified; when people come with the same level of corrosiveness there is not a warning label.
When things like acid or rust are introduced to something, in the first case its immediately recognized that change is taking place. Yet, when we think about the latter, we recognize that the change is over time. When people do this, we just don’t give their actions much thought. The blame is placed on the person afflicted not the person afflicting. It’s the same notion that you are guilty until your innocence can be proven. The way the laws and standards are spoken of or written are not how they are applied in real life situations. A corrosive person can go about their business contaminating their very surroundings with zero accountability. They then mix and pass that corrosiveness on not recognizing their role in this cyclical behavior. Where those traits start to personify into things, we do recognize like narcissism, which we are so quick to label. The person creates chaos in their surroundings and interactions leaving others to deal with the aftermath of their presence. In people form, this appears as drop ins. A drop of them in a space leaves the space altered and unkept.
They utilize and exploit what access they have to people and spaces without any regard to what their presence is doing long term. They treat homes like “pay to stay” hotels with zero interest in sustaining the future of the dwelling, if it’s not your home it will be someone else’s.
The moment rules or expectations are applied they find ways to skirt them by stating they don’t contribute to the whole because they are not there often enough to “really make that much difference.” If these behaviors are identified early enough and redirected there is hope for recovery. If these behaviors are condoned and enabled, they structurally become part of the person. These adaptations then become transferable, and the cycle continues. When these adaptations transfer to a new generation they are often accompanied by other cyclical behaviors. Why does this all even matter? There are people running around like pig pen from Charlie Brown. The biggest issue is they are leaving more behind than just dust. They have the capacity in a small amount of time to permanently disassemble an environment. Please understand these are not critical thinking behaviors that are disassembling the patriarchy or colonization for example. They are destroying ANY form of structure that doesn’t fit into their trauma code state of mind with zero accountability or concern of the outcome. There is not a direct focus to their chaos they will dumbfoundedly blow up the very bridge they are standing on.
If these behaviors are not redirected and permitted to develop to their fullest potential, they become a cornerstone to the persons very existence. Nothing less than spiritual, emotional, physical and psychological impacts make them take notice. Like a tick that goes unnoticed even when burrowing into your skin, by the time others notice the damage has already been done. As much as this feels like a PSA for a venereal disease and how not to catch it, its actually about a characteristic in people that have very lasting effects on those they come in contact with. It becomes way more complex when they end up being family members. We can yell, “stranger danger” all day and lock out those we deem not safe to coexist with. However, it is much more complicated when those doing the most damage is family. Within a single generation of their existence can annihilate any resemblance of structure, accountability or boundaries.
Any attempt in the adult stage to rehabilitate will lead to immediate resistance. If this person’s history includes cyclical trauma and trauma bonds, the likeliness of it being multi-generational is very high and therefore the “outsider” will become the target. The outsider is anyone whose impeding on the person’s ability to stay the course of abusiveness. They will appear remorseful and understanding, that is not what is happening, they are trying to go unnoticed. They are attempting to redirect away from themselves. If they are caught up in a situation, they created that involves multiple players that become aware of the situation, they will deflect. They will avoid and lurk back into the corners hoping that everything will blow over. They will use manipulative tactics to regain control of their perceived desired outcome.
If they have children, they will use these kids as pawn’s. They will dangle them around their other family members in order to appear harmless to anyone looking in. If a person has to convince you or speak about being harmless, they are in fact not harmless. There is conscious choice behind these behaviors which makes them absolutely difficult to navigate. The people with these traits are noticeable in that they have online presence but rarely seen with others in public settings. They speak of others in a blanket statement that include, “they agree with me, there are others that feel the same way” and “I am not the only one”.
They have loyalty only to their delusions. They cannot maintain healthy long-term relationships. If any part of the illusion they are attempting to achieve or sustain is skirted, even if it’s dangerous or not, they absolutely lose their composure. They devolve and attempt to overthrow any resemblance of structure. They require attention on their terms. They are not capable of equal reciprocity. When they unravel, they are super-sized toddlers. There is no negotiating with them.
These types of behaviors are flourishing like an invasive species. You are disposable and interchangeable. They require a host, but that host can vary. They are parasitic on every level. At the end their comfort is the only thing that matters to them. You don’t matter to them and never will. The only way to starve them is to quickly identify them and remove yourself from their grasp. If you were to hold your breathe for the amount of time it would take them to own up to or understand their role in the constant “shit” that happens to them, you would pass out. They will never accept accountability for their role or actions because they justify their behaviors because of perceived past misgivings. This is a disease with no cure.