Ouch! This statement makes my brain yell, “Damn, Gina!” Here is why this statement is brutally accurate but might feel like a cheese grater to your emotions, you are reading it behind a trauma filter. Whether or not you consciously believe there is a filter or not your knee jerk reaction to such a bold statement is the answer. If you winced a bit and follow up with a “Yeah, but…” you have more than likely been subjected to nonconsensual trauma in your life. You immediately want to defend yourself, against words shared on social media because words can be silent reminders of moments that you wish never occurred. This is ALL OK. It’s actually quite normal. The assholes who are yelling at the same image with statements like, “Snowflakes!” “You make your bed now lie in it!” are more than likely generationally traumatized folks who are the reason other people need to seek out professional help. Please note those individuals will NEVER SEE THEMSELVES as the instigator just like a hoarder never sees the heaps of trash they are surrounded by.
Unfortunately, whether on some level you actually signed up to be traumatized, or you were the victim of someone else, the statement still holds truth. From a principal standpoint, no one asks to be born, and our parents are responsible for us until we hit “legal adulthood” then we are on our own. For the most part, there is not a universal successful standard for what the bare bone minimum of rendering children to become successful adults looks like. What works in one culture or country does not necessarily work in another and the definition of success is subjective. Just because a person wasn’t beat doesn’t mean that they were loved. Just because they were fed does not mean they weren’t hungry. Just because a person made it to 18 does not mean they are prepared for adulthood. There are some ethical and philosophical talking points in the two sentences that make up that statement, that divide people’s opinions. One I mull over daily is this: Who’s responsibility is it legally and ethically for the decisions made by a person’s actions towards others? For example, if you need rescued or saved, what transpired that lead to that point? If you cause harm towards others but was taught that this was acceptable, are you still held solely accountable? If you are trained to perform a specific duty and fear prevents you from doing so and a tragedy occurs, are you guilty of negligence? At some point in all the discoveries, from any subject matter that has existed, someone was sacrificed to gain knowledge. No one came to save them. That is quite literally taking one for the team. Because we have evolved into a society that is rigid in opinions and flaccid in knowledge.
Why even bother then? Why even try? Who is making up the damn rules anyhow? For decades people of specific races, genetics, genders and social demographics were used and in a lot of cases without consent. No one, not even laws, came to save them. They were bankrupt psychologically and in debt to a society that deliberately walked them off a pier, without life jackets, knowing they wouldn’t be able to swim. One aspect of life that often gets overlooked is reverence. Reverence is a deep respect for someone and something. The reason why people are habitually, and cyclically damaging others is; we have lost our emotional depth and have become shallow beings. We have become addicted to instant gratification. Instantaneous decision making has zero space for sustainability.
The only part we play is our choice of WHO we allow in, when we act from a place of autonomy. There are reasons as to why some people cannot obtain cognitive autonomy which is out of their control. This is why some people voluntarily will become helpers and others become prey to helping. There is also the issue of becoming a savior which is another topic all together. The only part of any of this is how you handle YOU. You are not responsible for what others think of you. You are not responsible for the way someone interprets you. However, you are responsible for recognizing your placement with others. If you are in a relationship or an establishment there are more than likely etiquettes that must be followed. You absolutely have a right not to, but you are also 100% on the receiving end of the consequences. The harshness lies in understanding that no one owes you anything not even an apology. The only thing you can do is choose to disengage and move on. Yet, there is a bit of bullshit that sits in these inbetweens where others can be held accountable. The problem is that it’s like playing Russian roulette on whether the outcome will be in your favor or not.
The outcome seems bleak at this point but that’s only if you choose to see it that way. You cannot undo anything that has been done to you. I have personally experienced physical, emotional and psychological traumas at the hands of others to the point of financial and spiritual debt. The actions taken by others had permanent and life damaging consequences that I did not discover until much later in life. There are some that might think that suing is the answer, but the realistic side is that the likelihood of winning such a case is minimal. You are also responsible for being able to obtain representation. If these revelations do anything it should highlight the notion that we are capable of doing better for the sake of doing better. We do need harsher consequences that are sustainable ones regarding words vs actions, actions vs consequences, and long-term effects on others actions when those actions are not consensual. You may be left holding the bag but you sure as shit don’t have to carry it around.
