Per Article 33 of the Geneva Convention regarding collective punishment states the following:

Individual responsibility, collective penalties, pillage, reprisals

No protected person may be punished for an offence he or she has not personally committed. Collective penalties and likewise all measures of intimidation or of terrorism are prohibited.

Pillage is prohibited.

Reprisals against protected persons and their property are prohibited.

My faults are deep like well-worn creases in working hands and smiling eyes. I do not often make eye contact with people, and it is often viewed as a means to hide lies and deceit. Only in part is there truth behind this. Some eyes have witnessed such travesties that they cannot bear the possibility of observing something unwillingly that they can never unsee again. I have witnessed such events. I have experienced a somatic version of collective punishment in that my eyes have seen that which shouldn’t be observed, which lead to my mind becoming a prison for memories that I can never parole.

When I feel like I am being backed into a corner I do not initially take the warriors pose, I try and sink as deep into the shadow that I can. I want to become invisible. Yet, the other side is that I have been forced to be invisible. When my presence was garnered as too much I was removed from my family and relocated to my grandparents. My items were collected, and I had to choose essentials. I had to start learning what was important and critical for survival; I never knew how long the displacements would occur. These placements were often seen by my other relatives as special treatment that prevented my sibling and other cousins from access to my grandparents. What was never understood was that this felt like exile, and it felt like I was a refugee of war. A war that raged due to emotional immaturity from the adults in my life. All parties involved by their own definition were being collectively punished and they weren’t wrong.

I cut out access to others and from others because a few were making my life difficult. I had to take a step back and realize I was empowering them by removing myself completely. I will categorically state that I did all the right things. I ignored, I disengaged and eventually blocked them. This is not “a person” this is a collective of people with the same type of persona, which is that of someone who feels entitled to access. This is not my ego stating that I am worth such energy it’s their actions supporting my claims. As a person who is sensitive and influenced by their environment and the changes within them, moments of “blocking” can come in forms such as silencing my phone and physically denying access. What is not a “thing” is cloaking myself from these forms. One simply cannot reject energy by thinking they cannot be afflicted by it. A person can no more do that than stop the wind from blowing through their hair or to stop the Sun’s UV from penetrating their bodies. You can ignore it and with invisible vigor it can still penetrate your form, access areas internally and collectively wreak havoc on your body.

The two oldest core memories regarding collective punishment on a personal level happened at home and at school. The best examples of this were when my dad perceived an action as punishable and shouted, ” I am going to start whooping asses starting with the oldest first.” I am the oldest. It did not matter who was the actual culprit, it made his job easier as the enforcer to not have to do the work of figuring it out. So, in a sense I took on the role of the preventer to the point of punishing her before I could get in trouble for her actions. This became a form of abuse. I did not see it that way due to the fact that I knew my punishment would be harsher than hers if I did not intervene.

The second mentioning involving school was the same idea. A teacher in the position of power to educate actually takes the form of a propaganda when they can weaponize 30 kids against the one that “isn’t”…. That is forming the idea that every person is absolutely responsible regardless of maturity level or comprehensive capacity of ensuring their own safety and wellbeing by fixing others around them.

Person A, for whatever reason cannot DO THE THING, person in power uses their place of authority to weaponize 25 others to take care of the issue. Person A realizes immediately how much power as an individual they have. “It takes ALL of you to stop me.” This is a recipe creating foundational pieces to form things like narcissism, enabling and fixing later.

I do this when I feel scared and ungrounded. In some cases, its necessary and in other areas I just remove myself completely as a means of empowerment. When I feel that I cannot navigate a situation my initial knee jerk reaction is to remove myself before I am forced to evacuate. Because before I did not have the means and resources to negotiate with. I was a kid. Then I was a young adult with the coping skills of a kid. Then I became a woman who is capable of establishing her own resources, but the default processing capacity is still juvenile. The collective punishment presents as preventing long term sustainability in my finances and professions.

I am currently in the middle of housing crisis that has nothing to do with me and to no fault of my own. I am once again temporarily displaced. The timing for this is not ideal but nothing really that I have ever overcome had been in my favor timing wise. This is what putting in the work looks like. This is what changing years of programming looks like. This is sitting in the shit and remaining engaged, simply engaged and aware. I have no idea what is next regarding my housing situation. What I know is that I am trying to stay present and focused. My last EMT Basic class is August 12th my boards are the 17th, and I will be doing my clinicals with Gundersen. The Paramedic program starts September 2nd and by August 2025 I will be wearing my patch.

I need community and I am blessed to know so many people whom over the years I have formed long lasting relationships with. I cannot allow the few to dictate the whole. I need to learn to cut out those that need removed or acknowledge rotten fruit takes care of itself.

Today I start from where I am.